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[norisknoreward]

Player Information
Player name: Kris
Contact: thisgray@gmail.com | cityoflight
Are you over 18: Yes
Characters in the game already: Nada
Proof of Reserve: http://thepuppeteers.dreamwidth.org/8203.html?thread=490251#cmt490251

Character Information
Character Name: Alexandra Udinov
Canon: Nikita
Canon Point: Season 2, Episode 10, “Guardians”
Is your character Dead, Undead or Alive: Alive
History: LINK
Personality:
“I want to learn what it’s like to wake up in the morning and not feel sad.”

Alex is not a happy, well-adjusted person at all. She’s had a life filled with loss and hardship, lost so many things and people, and her mindset is such that she’s just waiting for another person to betray her, and waiting for someone else she’s started to care about even a little to go away, or be killed. She lost her parents when she was young, although with her canon point, she’s just found out her mother is alive.

One of the biggest and most important things to know about Alex is that she has many layers, many parts of herself that she hides from some people and will show to others. Amanda (who works with Division) compares Alex at one point to one of those Russian dolls that you open, you find another doll, and then you open and find another; keep peeling back the layers (if Alex will let you), and you’ll find something new that she’s tried to hide. She projects a hardness, a gruff exterior to protect herself, and it’s only when those layers are peeled back that the softer part of her reveals itself. She does have a good heart, but it’s important to note she’s also something of a morally grey character, with a moral compass that isn’t aligned with the traditional black and white views of what’s right and wrong. She can be ruthless at times if she believes in what she’s doing, yet she has a soft spot for people who are vulnerable, who have been abused and victimized.

After being rescued from the fire that burned her estate, she was in the care of one of her father’s men, who sold her into a sex slave ring. She eventually became addicted to drugs in the course of being enslaved, as their captors would keep them high to keep them quiet. She’s sober now, but she’s backslid, struggling with her addiction when she had to be on painkillers; it’s a demon that’s always with her, but her past being enslaved is what makes her more sympathetic to others who are innocent and hurt by bad people.

She puts up a good front, and if she’s talking to people outside of Division, she can be almost cheerful at times, sarcastic and playful. Normal. But beyond the surface lies a broken young girl who in some ways never quite grew up past the age she lost her father and was forced into being a sex slave. She wants acceptance, yet fears the idea of trusting people. She wants to be happy, yet she’s not sure the darkness inside of her would allow it. On the back of her neck is a butterfly tattoo; it has a few meanings, it’s a reminder that everyone can have a second chance of life. It reminds her as well of a girl she shared a room with at a brothel, who talked about being a butterfly and flying away from that place.

Alex has her secrets, many of them, and she won’t share most of them with just anyone. It takes a long time to get through to her, but anyone who earns her trust and doesn’t ever betray that is in her heart for life.

Items on your character at canon point: Jeans, shoes, undergarments, shirt, thin brown jacket, hunting knife.

Abilities, Strengths and Weaknesses:
Abilities: Trained in self-defense, good with weapons, but no magical powers.

Strengths: Alex is a fighter, she’s determined, she’ll never give up. That tenacity is one of her strongest qualities, and though it’s very hard for her to trust most people, her determination can bleed into this fierce loyalty she can (on rare occasions) feel for others. And when she’s loyal to someone, she’ll do anything for them, she won’t stop if it means helping them in some way.

Weaknesses: She can be overly aloof, closed off, but her biggest weakness is not trusting people. We’ve seen a flashback on the show with her father telling her he wanted her to know that while independence was good, she had to learn which people she could trust, and then actually allow herself to trust them. It’s something she struggles with often, not allowing herself to form attachments.

Samples
Network/Action Spam Sample:
[ It’s alarming when she wakes up without everything she knows she should have. The last thing she can remember is seeing her mother again for the first time, and then...this. Nothing in between. She’s been drugged before, it’s nothing new. But this place, it already gives her the creeps. ] Where am I. [ It’s whispered under her breath, as though saying it out loud might trigger something for her, or maybe they’re listening in - whoever sent her here - and they’ll get some satisfaction out of her confusion. But there’s nothing. Figures. She’ll go it alone like always, and she looks around for something at least somewhat familiar, heading towards what looks to be a store. When she gets there and manages to actually get a hold of a phone and a few other essentials, she immediately shoots off a text, trying to be cryptic and yet find some answers. ]

I need some information. You help me and I’ll help you. [ There has to be someone out there who knows what the hell is going on, and right now the anonymity makes her feel more secure. ] What is this place and why are we here? Is this another test? Some trick? [ She wants to ask about her mother, too, but would rather not mention any family, anything that could be seen as a weakness, not until she has some answers. ]

Prose Log Sample:
Memories come like whispers sometimes, just on the edge of a dream. She hasn’t woken up with panic in a while, but that fear is always there on her periphery; she’s not even sure who she’d be without it. But no one knows, no one can know, how afraid she is; afraid of people hurting her, betraying her, taking away the few good things she has left. But she’s afraid of herself the most, of the way she can’t stop, she won’t stop, the desperation to get to something better. She doesn’t even know what that something better is.

She wants vengeance, she knows it will feel good, but then it’ll go away like everything else, and then what’s left after that? What will it feel like when she just stops for a moment? There’s nothing happy there, there’s nothing good. There’s just these memories - ghosts - and she’s alone. When she lays awake at night, she thinks about it, just stop fighting after she gets her vengeance. But that’s the only life she’s ever really known. Fighting means she’s alive, and without it, she’s nothing.

Anger is the only comfort, the only friend. It pushes people away, and she can be safe again.

She’s dreamed of her mother and her father, and standing here now, in this room, she feels so many emotions all at once she can’t even breathe. The anger is there, familiar and soothing even as it boils in her blood. There’s sadness and fear, and...hope?

Hope.

Is that what it feels like? Like...the chance to take a breath and look up and not feel sad that another day is here? Her mother is here, she’s alive, and Alex wants this to be good, she wants it so much.

But it hurts, it hurts to breathe because she knows (and she hates thinking this) her mother will just betray her, too.